Evening Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's top comedians devoted the evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils each thing he touches."

The subject was the controversial initiative which allows overseas individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" version for $5 million. The program's website pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message here to rich foreigners: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also designed to "get cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.