Those Advice from A Parent Which Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to open up among men, who often hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."